some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
