my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
