There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is the high leading the old right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
