what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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