a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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