That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
