I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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