he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
bring money and cleavage
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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