I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
