Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
