Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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