If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
