he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
