Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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