id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
