I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
