i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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