If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
