So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
