so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
