I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
