one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
