I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
