so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
