Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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