Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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