I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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