marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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