I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
