Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
