I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
