Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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