I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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