Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
third nipple confirmed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I touched a dick in church today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
