Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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