Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
