Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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