There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
