we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
