party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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