He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
