I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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