I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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