I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize