god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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