Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
