My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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