Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
