she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
