Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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