so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
