True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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