hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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