Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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