apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
