I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
