A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
