Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
