i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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