I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
