Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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