I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
