Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
